The Desperate One

Today's lunch was packed fast and furious style.  I had less than 2 minutes to figure out what I wanted and it was as desperate assembly of flavor and nutrition:

• Ezekiel English muffin
• smoked salmon 
• strawberries
• a ton of broccoli 

First off, a word of warning: don't EVER eat this much broccoli in one meal!!!  Your stomach will hate you and anyone that comes within whiffing distant of your desk will be offended by you.  Nuff said.  Anyway, other than feeling like the Goodyear blimp with a slow and foul leak, this meal was pretty good.  I really wanted to put some cheese on my freshly toasted English muffin but we didn't have any at home.  So I had the brilliant idea to go to the closest sandwich shop by job and ask them for a slice of cheddar cheese.  They charged me 69¢ for 1 measly slice of cheese.  See, this is why I can't be trusted to not pack my lunch.  When I'm hungry I get irrational and buy any and everything my heart desires.  Bad for my wallet and bad for my thighs.  So, like a sucker I plunked down my 69¢ and schlepped it (wrapped up in deli paper and tape and inside a paper bag, so wasteful) back to my office and had a simple sandwich.

I'm really loving these English muffins.  They are hearty and grainy and really satisfying to chew.  That makes sense, right?  I like eating a bread that's got good chew.  Sometimes some of the little grains land in a perfect spot between my top and bottom teeth and powerful choppers turn the little grain into a tasty dust that rolls all over my tongue.  Yum! But one random thing that annoys me about this brand of English muffin is that they give the nutritional information on the side and use half a muffin as 1 serving.  Yeah right!!  I hate that kind of foolishness.  Who eats half an English muffin?  A maniac!  That's who!  The type of person that slices a muffin in half and then LEAVES the other half floundering around in the bag only to become depressed, despondent and dry, is the type of person that I would cross to the other side of the street to get away from if I saw them coming.  So listen, Ezekiel people, I know you probably think your customers are health conscious people who like low calorie, portion controlled servings, so you want to please them by putting smaller numbers on your nutrition info, but COME ON!!  You know only sociopaths eat half a muffin and they are too busy callously charming old ladies out of their pension to eat your muffins.  So just give it to us straight.  We can deal with the fact that English muffins have a lot of calories.  Don't try to play us for fools with this half a muffin per serving crap.*









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*Yes, yes I did just go on an unprovoked rant about English muffins.  Not to mention, my creepy description of chewing bread.  No excuses, just acknowledging that it happened.  I bet you think this way too sometimes.  Right?  Hopefully?  Um, who are these men in white coats  coming into my room and why do they have a butterfly net?